


Hold on tight

by Remlundskan



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Ghosts, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Voyeurism, saying goodbye, slight spoilers for final episodes of season 7 (duh)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 06:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2955875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remlundskan/pseuds/Remlundskan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So… A ghost! He was a ghost!</p>
<p>Juice had never even considered the possibility of something like that happening. Not ever! He didn’t believe in ghosts! And now… He was one! A ghost! Stuck between worlds!</p>
<p>That just seemed like a really bad movie!</p>
<p>What he failed to understand, though, was why, out of all the places in Charming he could have ended up in, he was haunting Chibs’ crib. It just didn’t make any sense!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold on tight

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't leave them alone. Some part of me hated the fact that these two, who hade the most fierce bromance ever on a show about bikers (oh, wait, there aren't any others!), never got the chance to say goodbye, before Juice was killed. So I made this. Not making any profit, I'm just trying to mend my broken heart by doing what I do best... write!

So… A ghost! He was a ghost!

Juice had never even considered the possibility of something like that happening. Not ever! He didn’t believe in ghosts! And now… He was one! A ghost! Stuck between worlds!

That just seemed like a really bad movie!

What he failed to understand, though, was why, out of all the places in Charming he could have ended up in, he was haunting Chibs’ crib. It just didn’t make any sense!

He hadn’t been dead more than three hours, thanks to the clock on the wall that he had seen a million times when he was alive, and if he’d had any choice in the matter, he would have preferred to stay that way. Dead and gone and not hanging around like this. Hell, he could even take spending the rest of his eternal death in the fiery pits of Hell over this.

Because Chibs was banging the sheriff! Right in front of him! And even though he was dead, that really killed Juice!

And ok, yeah, he did see the irony in that!

Didn’t make it hurt any less, though! He had no idea that things could hurt AFTER you were dead, but apparently, it could.

Not that he had ever told Chibs about it. No matter how close they had been, there were certain things you did NOT tell a brother. That you wanted him to screw your brains out… That was one of those things.

To be honest, Juice had thought that after Tully, he would never be able to think about anything remotely like that again, even with Chibs, but standing in the bedroom now, seeing the way Chibs pounded into that woman, like he could care less about what she felt, Juice realized that nothing could ever erase those feelings. He had been in love with the man for years, it wasn’t like he was ever going to stop. And nothing could ever make him!

Not even such a minor detail as being dead.

Juice sighed. Hopefully, they would finish soon and Chibs would fall asleep. Maybe being stuck like this was because some part of him didn’t want to leave just yet. At least, not until he saw Chibs one last time.

That made sense, actually! But he had seen Chibs now! Had seen quite a lot of him, actually. So why was he still here, haunting the place? Why wasn’t he on the way downstairs by now? Why was he still stuck like this?

If he only had known how to do it, he would move his stupid dead ghost-body over to the living room or the kitchen, but he had no idea how to do that. Whatever this was, whatever the reason, he was stuck in the bedroom, having to watch Chibs with the damn sheriff.

When they were finally done and it looked like they were falling asleep, Juice drew a deep sigh of relief. Finally! It had been horrible enough watching Chibs over the years with various crow eaters, it was downright excruciating seeing him with Jarry. Because Juan Carlos Ortiz wasn’t stupid! A coward, yes, but not stupid! He knew there was a difference! Just like he knew there had been a difference with Fiona!

And then, just as he thought that he was going to have to spend the night watching the two of them sleep, Chibs got up and left the bedroom. Juice didn’t even think about it, he didn’t even had the chance to figure out how to do it, he just followed the man out into the kitchen, watched him open a beer and sit down on the couch.

Juice was about to wonder if maybe he was tied to Chibs somehow and that was why he was able to follow him now, when he had been unable to leave the bedroom earlier, when Chibs spoke.

“What do you want, Juicy?”

Juice was so unprepared that he actually didn’t know what to say. He had no idea how to respond to that question. How could he tell Chibs what he wanted when he himself didn’t know what he…

Wait a minute!

“You can see me?” He had no way of masking his surprise.

Chibs simply raised an eyebrow.

“I’m a Catholic Scot, Juice, you’re not my first ghost!”

That actually made sense, Juice supposed. And it made things a bit easier, knowing that Chibs could see him. Although, if he was being honest with himself, it did hurt a bit that Chibs acted the way he did. They were brothers, once, and they had been through literally everything together, the least one could expect is some sort of reaction.

“Well… I wouldn’t want you to freak out or anything…” He suddenly felt nervous. This was Chibs! The brother he loved the most! The brother he betrayed the worst!

“No…” Chibs sneered, “you’re dead! No surprise there!”

“Yeah… Guess not!”

“So… What do you want?”

“I… don’t know! I don’t even know why I’m here! I’m new to this… being dead-thing, you know, it only happened like three hours ago and… I ended up here!”

“Tully?”

“Yeah!”

And then, they were silent. That had always been one of the things that Juice had loved about his relationship with Chibs, if you could call it that; that they knew each other so well that silence between them was never forced or uncomfortable, but… merely accepted, and understood. Sometimes, there wasn’t need for words, they knew anyway.

“So you’re banging the sheriff now? That’s… new!” He was barely able to keep the resentment and jealousy out of his voice. Then again, what was the point? He was dead, it wasn’t like Chibs, or anyone, could do anything about it.

“You jealous, Juicy?”

“Yeah!” He said simply. No point in denying it anymore was it. And then, just to make sure that all the cards were on the table, and there was no room for any misunderstanding, he added: “Of her!”

Chibs sighed.

“Yeah, I know!”

Juice had figured that Chibs would at the very least look surprised. So when all the man said was: “Yeah, I know!” he actually felt a little cheated. This was something big that he was revealing about himself. Something that he never would have revealed, had he not been… well, you know, dead, and all. So for Chibs to just sigh a bit and say that he knew? Didn’t really feel right.

“I’m sorry, was that another one of your little secrets?”

Ok, that sounded a bit resentful. And ok, yeah, maybe he could have handled things better with the club. Maybe he could have told Chibs the whole truth. And maybe things would have been different if he had. But that’s not what happened. He had lied, he had killed a brother, he had ratted, and he betrayed the king… and now he was dead.

“Jax told us about Gemma! About what she did!”

Oh, shit! He remembered the look of complete and utter devastation on his president’s face as Juice told him the truth about what happened with Gemma and Tara. Remembered how he felt at that moment, knowing that nothing he ever said or did would ever get him back inside. Knowing that he was a dead man walking. And knowing that Jax had to go back to the club and tell the others, tell his brothers that his own mother had killed his wife. And that Juice helped her cover it up.

“I’m sorry!” He blurted it out and suddenly, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything! I’m sorry for what I did! And I’m sorry about Tara! I’m sorry, Chibs, you have to believe me!”

“I believe you, Juicy!” And damn it, but he sounded so tired when he said it. Not tired physically, though, but mentally. Like he was emotionally exhausted. “You’re dead, you have no reason to lie to me.”

It was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t get the words out. Because saying them would actually be telling a lie. ‘I would never lie to you, brother’. But he had! Repeatedly! About stupid things, crazy things, things that, eventually, had led him to this place. And he saw it now, the hurt in his brother’s eyes, the pain that Juice had caused and it made him sick. Because he never wanted to hurt the club! He never wanted to hurt Chibs! He just wanted to belong. He wanted the brotherhood, the camaraderie, the family, and in trying to keep all that… He lost it!

“Why are you here, Juice?” Chibs asked again as he sat down on the couch, not even looking at him anymore.

And he knew now!

“To say goodbye!” he whispered. “I just wanted to see you and tell you…”

“Don’t!”

But he knew now! It was why he was still here! Why he hadn’t moved on yet. He had to tell Chibs the truth. He had to say the words. Oh, he had said them so many times, and he meant them every time, but he had to say it one last time… and mean it.

“I love you, Filip!”

“Jesus Christ…” And there was a definite sob coming from the older man that just about broke Juice’s heart.

“I’m sorry!” he said, again and suddenly, he felt a strange calm, as if everything he had ever wanted in life was now complete. He was ready now, he knew it. He felt it. No more unfinished business. He had wanted to see Chibs one last time, to say goodbye, to tell him that one last truth… It was done now!

Chibs looked up and he must have seen that something was different, because he smiled sadly through his tears.

“You leaving me, Juice?”

“I think so… wow, this feels weird!”

“Well, don’t tell me ‘bout it!” Chibs scowled. “I wanna be surprised!”

Juice smiled at him, smiled big and bright at the man he loved. He could move on now!

“I love you too!” Chibs added, almost on an afterthought.

To be honest, there was only one thing he could say to that.

“I know!”

And he was gone.


End file.
